I’ve hugged more strangers than is acceptable in the past 2 days which have been the worst I’ve experienced. Seeing someone you love and their family in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it is awful but I’m so glad we went to the wedding tonight to forget everything for a couple hours. It was A+ and everyone was great. What a time man, everything’s so bittersweet.
I want Matt to be at home, tucked up in bed with me where he’s safe and nothing can hurt or upset him. I have this need to protect him and this is one thing I have no control over and I hate it, I hate knowing he’s going through one of the hardest things alone because he doesn’t want to stress me or the baby out and I hate that he’s there with no one to tell him it’ll be okay and give him a cuddle when he needs it because he thinks I need rest when in reality what I need right now should be bottom of his priorities.
First night in months I sleep past 2am and of course Rory turns up at 2:30am and bangs on the door for 10 minutes until he gives in and starts throwing shoes at our bedroom window. Okay, I know Matt needs to get to hospital now and I know it’s urgent but would it not be easier just to pissing ring rather than wake up the whole world. Man alive, I’m one pissed off pregnant lady with raging heartburn and the desperate need to pee and sleep which won’t happen anytime soon now I’m home alone.
5 nights in Barcelona sorted out for Matt’s birthday surprise, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep quiet until November.
- don’t be angry at yourself when anxiety/depression flares up. it isn’t your fault and no one blames you and if they do they’re pieces of shit.
- don’t orbit around your perceived value so much. you’re not the sum total of what you produce.
- don’t let yourself wonder why people love you. that’s not how it works. there are not stark, individual reasons that a person can enumerate about why they love you. it’s the entire, unique combination of what and who you are.
I literally crave affection. It’s not about sex. I crave somebody to cuddle with me, and to lay their head on my lap. I crave kisses, holding hands and running my thumb across theirs. Just looking at someone and thinking “how did I get this lucky”.
Sex is good too